Friday, January 24, 2014

Four boys!

Well, we found out yesterday that Baby #4 will be our FOURTH boy. Four boys. 1, 2, 3, 4 boys.

12 week ultrasound
Do I sound shocked? I'm a little shocked.

I think everyone knows we were "going for that girl," as we hear from everyone. But we really were going for that girl, so the boy news was a bit of a shock. According to this article, "The Odds of Having Another Boy or Girl," we had a 43.6% chance of having a girl after already having 3 boys, though I'm not sure if we really count as having "3 boys" since 2 of them are identical twin boys-- 2 boys from one pregnancy where the egg split (read "Identical or fraternal [revised]"). If we go off of 2 boys, our odds go up slightly to 47.7% chance of having a girl. Yet here I am, pregnant with boy #4.

We have the growth ultrasound just after 20 weeks, however, I'm fairly certain they will only confirm it is a boy. While I'm only 17 weeks now, we had an experienced sonographer determine the gender and she definitely captured "the money shot," if you will.

Why has this been hard for me to swallow? Am I excited that we are having our fourth baby? Lord knows I am, not just because of all we have been through (read "Baby #4 {14 weeks pregnant}"). I love this baby. I feel my eyes well with tears of joy and love when I hear his little heartbeat. I suppose what has been harder for me to accept is that I will not birth our daughter. This is our last pregnancy, our last baby, our last time to go through all of this. And I guess I really expected to have a daughter. I'm so close to my mother and my sisters and I wanted that relationship. I won't be struggling with a toddler who won't keep bows in her hair. I won't be splurging on yet another dress or yet another Barbie. I won't be wrangling an infant into warmer winter tights or trying to keep our baby girl from crawling on her Sunday dress as she makes her way around our living room. I won't be buying her matching Crew Cuts outfits when I shop at J Crew. I won't have the relationship with her that I have with my mom now as an adult. I feel like I cherish that relationship so much and I really wanted that-- really wanted that.

So, as one of my best friends said, a fellow mother to all boys, I'm going to be a fabulous mother-in-law. I'm going to love on my niece (and maybe in my old age she will take care of me! lol!). As my husband said last night, we are going to have a band of brothers moving around the country together as we move with the military. They will always have each other, always have a brother to lean on, always have a best friend to be there when we make our way to our next duty station. Plus, this baby already has a wardrobe from birth to 5-years old. :) Most important, as my husband said, we love our boys. We love being parents to these precious people God has given us. From the minute our oldest was born, I was in love. I love seeing the world from his eyes. I love that he has brothers to depend on, like I have my sisters. I love these two 2-year olds that we have been blessed with. Seeing these two toddlers interact on a peer level is endlessly entertaining. Few things are sweeter than listening to a conversation between two two-year olds. All 3 of these boys are wrapped around my heart and I love each day I have with them. I know when this next baby arrives, he is going to be loved on (probably more than he wants to be!) by his older brothers. I love listening to the boys talk to my tummy. Our 5-year old says prayers with my tummy-- his baby, he likes to say-- almost every night. Parents to siblings know that your heart fills with pride and joy when you see your children loving on each other.

God knows that I always pictured myself as a mother to a house full of girls (I'm crazy about Jane Austen novels). Turns out God has pictured me as a mother to boys. I'm trusting him on this one since I know he has a plan for us!

5 comments:

Chelsea Phelps said...

Congratulations on boy #4! I know that must be tough knowing you won't be having that little girl you always wanted, but I know these four boys will be the best of friends and so in love with you as their mother!

XOXO
Chelsea
http://www.anchorsaweighblog.com

Anonymous said...

All the dreams you had for a daughter can also go by the wayside if you have one. I have an almost 22 year old beautiful daughter who I love more than life itself. But each day is tough. She struggles constantly with depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia, self-esteem issues. I wouldn't trade my daughter for the whole world, but wondering every day whether she is okay is a very emotional and exhausting life for me.
enjoy your boys!)

Anonymous said...

I have four little girls. Ages 4, 2 and identical twins who are 11 months. Opposite of you! I'll never know what it's like to be a mom to a boy. I am definitely done!

Kimber said...

Oh, that is a flip from us! My husband definitely feels we are done. I'm not so sure, not just due to having another boy, but I like the idea of a big family! If he agreed to 5, 6, or 7 kids, I'd totally be on board! :) As of right now, we are done though. I respect his wishes and 4 is still a big family!

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

I hope it's not out of place for me to say this, but I have read several times about the emotions that can accompany finding out the gender of your baby. Please, please don't feel guilty for whatever emotions you experience. I think expectant parents sometimes just need some time to process things. You know you'll continue to be an amazing mom, no matter the gender.

And by the way, I have a friend here in town who has a 5-year old son, twin boys who are just more than 2, and a 6-month old baby boy. Oh, and another friend who has triplet boys who are 8, and a singleton boy who is 7. I think they're a part of some FB group along the lines of "Mothers of All Boys". ;) They are super sweet ladies who adore their "only female" status at home...if you'd ever like an introduction, I'd be glad to put you in touch. :)